


Qui vivra verra

by habituallykindablue



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Adult!AU, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Loosely based on E.M. Forester’s novel Maurice, M/M, Wedding, anne is the best!!!, bi!Jerry, billy is deeeeep in the closet, cole lives in France
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-04-07 21:52:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19093834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/habituallykindablue/pseuds/habituallykindablue
Summary: Once every few months, Cole would receive a letter from Anne— that is to say, by proxy, he was receiving a long heartfelt letter from Diana too, as well as one from Ruby and Gilbert. Anne made sure to let him know the happenings in Avonlea since he left Prince Edward Island.





	1. Chapter 1

Once every few months, Cole would receive a letter from Anne— that is to say, by proxy, he was receiving a long heartfelt letter from Diana too, as well as one from Ruby and Gilbert. Anne made sure to let him know the happenings in Avonlea since he left Prince Edward Island. 

Cole lived in the heart of Paris, in a comfortable flat among the city streets. There he sculpted, and sketched and painted. He liked his apartment and recognized his sole servant as the true keeper of the house. Without her, there would be no food or clean sheets, and he was grateful to her for providing for him. He liked the sound of kindly children playing outside his building too.

Now to Anne's letter. His eyes were locked on a photograph of a man and a woman. His thumb glided over the woman — Anne Shirley Cuthbert — and he smiled for what seemed like the first time since he was a teenager. Anne mailed him the photo recently. Until four weeks ago, that was the last time they had contact. It wasn't that he avoided writing to her, no. It was just that artistic nature of his home in Paris made him a busy man. 

Now he focused on the handsome man with black hair sitting next to her. He never knew Gilbert Blythe as well as he would have liked to. Cole remembers his boyish charm in their youth, as well as his thirst for knowledge, but that was about it.

The train came to a halt and Cole tucked the photograph into his leather satchel. People crammed into a straight line when the conductor opened the door. Cole waited until the line died out to step out of the train and onto the platform. As a new set of people boarded the train, he came to a sudden realization: he was in Charlottetown for the first time since his heart decided it was set for France. 

He was not quite a man then. Josephine Barry had passed and left him a plentiful fortune. Of course she had blood relatives in her will, but her relationship with Cole had surpassed the relations she had with any relative. To her, Cole was her protégé. Her fosterling learning how to accept his many differences, his unspeakable desires of the Oscar Wilde sort. 

And now here he stood, his breath dancing like crystal flames in the freezing air. He took a careful inhale and smelled the icy scent of winter. He did not miss the winters of Prince Edward Island, that's for sure.

For the first time in forever, Cole found himself wandering through the bustling streets of Charlottetown. It was a walk purely for nostalgia. The secret longing for years that have long gone by. In one of the windows he saw a painting of man; the baroque man was beautiful and unclothed, yet he appeared to to be frightened by the golden haired angel descending from the heavens. her cherubic hands rested on the man's shoulder, the other hand pointed up towards the same sky she subsided from. 

The painting reminded Cole of a piece he painted for a Italian aristocrat once. He shook his head and realized it was getting late. He needed to be in Avonlea by tomorrow. Anne and Gilbert's wedding wasn't until the fifth of December, and currently it was the first of December. Cole made his way to the nearest inn, booking a room for a week.

~

The next morning Cole hitched a ride with an older couple who too were venturing to Avonlea. Their Ford Model T Automobile was still such a modern concept to Cole's mind. He'd seen many automobiles with their smooth black exteriors and plush seats in France, but seeing one in on Prince Edward Island— in Avonlea? Truly a strange site. 

"So, what's the occasion?" The woman in the passenger seat said to Cole. 

"Oh," he replied, turning his head to face her instead of the snow covered fields, "my best friend is getting married."

"That's wonderful!" 

"Yeah." Cole said plainly, trying not to offend her with his lack of interest in engaging in conversation. 

"Is this where you want us to drop you off?" asked the man. 

Cole saw it; Green Gables standing sturdily in the middle of the open plane. He could recognized that place even if he hadn't seen it in years. 

"Yes, this is it."

The automobile came to a halt and Cole got out. Not so surprisingly, he was anxious. The last time he saw Anne— or anybody in avonlea, really— he was a child lingering on adulthood.

Perhaps the chilly winds of late winter brought upon seemingly endless bouts of misery. Or maybe it was the long journey back to Avonlea. Cole thought it ought to be both as he trudged through the snow, turning around to wave at the older coupled who gave him a ride. 

Soon, after his short journey through the snow met its end, he was facing the front door of Green Gables. His gloved knuckles quickly tapped against the door three times in one go. He heard something— or someone— moving about inside followed by a loud familiar voice yelling, "I'll get it!"

The door swung open, and there she stood. Anne. Her orange hair was pinned back in a high bun, and her freckles were prominent as ever, despite it being winter. A wide smile was plastered across her face when she saw the tall man in front of her. "Cole..." she said, pulling him into a bear hug. Cole smiled too. How couldn't he? Anne's smile was infectious. 

Anne laughed into his chest, teary-eyed. "You've somehow gotten taller." Cole laughed at her comment. "And you've gotten shorter."

Anne released Cole from her hug and grabbed his hand. "Come in!"

Together they walked through the door, and he noticed nothing had changed. Not just the setting, but Anne. Not even adulthood could dwindle her free spirited nature. Cole could just feel her energy radiating from her very being. 

"I was just helping Marilla with dinner. We're making Bannock! You're staying for dinner right?"

Cole nodded. "Of course," he replied, making his way to the kitchen area. There he saw Marilla, who still looked like a strict women even in her older age. The old woman took a double take when she caught a glimpse of Cole. "Cole?" She said. 

"Yep! He came all the way from Paris for the wedding! Isn't that wonderful?" 

"Well, You look taller." She deadpanned. 

"I've been getting that a lot."

"Oh!" Anne exclaimed, "you just have to tell me about France! Is it really as romantic as the poets make it out to be?"

"Now, now, Anne. Let our guest settle first." Marilla interjected. 

"Oh. Right. Here!" Anne said, dragging him to the sitting room. 

Cole sat down on the worn divan, and Anne plopped down next to him. "So, is Paris really what they make it out to be?"

Cole pondered for a moment, then he spoke. "It's beautiful. I have a flat right in the city, but you already know that." 

"Can you see the Eiffel Tower from your flat?"

Cole laughed. "No, I can't. But that would be something if I could. I have a nice view of all the old, colorful buildings in the front and the Seine in the back." 

"It sounds brilliant... oh, I want to visit! You've been to the Louvre I imagine?"

"It's... magical. So much history and beauty."

Anne grabbed his hand. "One day your art will be there."

Cole gave a small, genuine smile. 

~

It seemed Anne went on about being a bride for hours, but no one seemed to care. The young woman was happy and that's what mattered, especially to Gilbert. 

Gilbert was prohibited from seeing Anne a week before their wedding. On Anne's orders, of course. It seemed an... odd tradition (a tradition she made up), but once again, whatever made her happy made Gilbert happy. 

Even though Bash had moved out and started a life with Mary, he came back to Gilbert's house to stay with him for the week. Gilbert enjoyed the company and tried to swat away Bash's playful teasing about marrying Anne. He still remembers when he called her a "friend". Now he will call her "wife". Gilbert was absolutely excited for the wedding, but it caused some anxiety. Their engagement was a strange one. It was Anne who asked Gilbert to marry her. To anyone, a woman proposing to a man may seem desperate, but to Gilbert, he found it flattering and so... her. And he adored her. 

There was a light 'knock' on the door, and it drew Gilbert away from his medical book. 

Bash, who never seems to get used to cold temperatures, announced he'll answer the door.  
"I'll get it, Blythe. You look too cozy with you face in that book." 

Gilbert heard talking coming from the front door. One voice sounded familiar. He stopped what he was doing and listened to the voice before he could place who it belonged to. Quickly, he stood up a walked to the front door. 

"Cole?" 

"Gilbert. Hi." Cole said. 

"Looks like your friend here is acting as a messenger." Bash said, a letter in his hands. 

"It's from Anne. She had me bring it over after explaining her new tradition."

Gilbert smiled and took the letter from Bash. "It's good to see you, Cole."

"You too."

"You know, I bet Jerry is glad he's getting a day off of this letter exchanging business." Gilbert joked. 

"Yeah."

"How long have you been here? It must have been one hell of a journey from France."

"Two days ago.” 

Gilbert nodded his head. “I bet Anne wanted to hear everything about Paris.” he smiled. “She always talks about Rimbaud and Verlaine, Baudelaire too.” 

“I gave her the run down,” Cole said. “Oh, congratulations on your engagement. It sounds like the wedding will be spectacular, just from what I’ve heard from Anne.” 

“Thanks, Cole.” 

“I should get going.”

“Alright. It was good to see you again. Maybe Anne will send another letter and we can talk more next time.”

“Sounds great.”

Gilbert and Bash waved Cole off as he trudged through the snow. It was starting to melt, as it was late in the year— almost spring, but not quite. The cloud scattered sky was starting to turn an inky shade of black as Cole made his way back to Green Gables. 

Cole regrets renting a room in Charlottetown, as Green Gables had an extra room Anne so kindly offered for the next few days. It was Michael’s old room. It was dusty and looked like nobody had touched it in ages, which was probably the case. But a warm bed is a warm bed. 

Cole wonders if the innkeeper will give him his money back. He doubts it.  
~


	2. Chapter 2

It had taken three days for the snow to melt almost entirely. Luckily for everyone, that third day fell upon the wedding day of Anne and Gilbert. Their wedding was to be held at the local church. A simple building, yes, but the glass stained windows were a marvel to gaze upon.

"You look so beautiful, Anne." Diana said, pushing a loose strand of hair behind Anne's ear. 

Anne, along with Diana and Marilla— who was to walk her down the isle— stood in a side room of the church. Anne's dress reached her boots and the pure white sleeves were puffed. Her veil, the old torn one Marilla gave her as a child, reached her lower back. She looked elegant. A true bride who smiled wide.   
Anne had read in a book once that it was a bad sign if a bride smiled on her wedding day, but she regarded that as rubbish. She had every right to be excited. 

"Any minute now." Marilla said, fixing Anne's dress. 

"I'm going to go take a seat. Thankfully Fred saved me one." Diana hugged Anne before leaving to room. 

"Oh, Marilla,” Anne sighed. “Will today truly be the best day of my life? I think so. I feel so."

"Then it will be."

"I just wish Matthew were here to see this." 

Before Marilla could respond, the ever so familiar organ started to play. For a brief moment, there was a rush of anxiety surging through Anne, but it was overruled by her enthusiasm. 

Marilla extended her arm for Anne to grab. "Well, it's now or never."

Anne took hold of her arm and the two stepped out of the spare room, and in the crowd she saw almost everyone she knew. The Lynde family, the Andrews, the Barrys, Cole, the Gillis, Bash. But only one person truly caught her eye— Gilbert. 

~

The priest officiating the wedding spoke. “Do you, Gilbert Blythe take Anne Shirley Cuthbert to be your wife, for now and forever?”

Gilbert smiled his teary eyes matching Anne’s. “Yes, I do.”

And do you, Anne Shirley Cuthbert, take Gilbert Blythe to be you husband, for now and Forever?”

“Oh, yes,” she replied dreamily, “I do.”

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

Before Gilbert could react, Anne placed a hand on the small of his back and slightly tipped him backwards and kissed him. 

The onlookers clapped and Gilbert took Anne into his arms, bridal style. Anne waved at everyone, then disappeared outside the church, onto the damp ground. 

Cole, who was seated next to the Gillis at the very end of the row, made eye contact with a familiar face. Billy Andrews. He looked different now. His hair was starting to grey way too prematurely, but it suited him in an odd way. Cole had thought of him as being physically handsome in their youth, but his personality was unattractive. Cole found it hard to look past his hideousness to see the attractive face behind it. 

Everyone stood up. There was to be a wedding reception at Green Gables. Cole helped set up the large tent outside in one of the fields surrounding the house. 

Some people walked, others hopped into their coaches and automobiles (it still baffled Cole to see automobiles in his home town). Cole planned on walking as the church wasn’t far from Green Gables. Plus, he’d be too embarrassed to ask for a ride from the people he used to know. 

As he exited the church, a hand fell upon his shoulder. It was a large hand with a hardy grip and frankly it startled Cole. He spun around to be met face to face with Billy Andrews. 

“Cole.”

“Billy?”

“Do you have a ride?”

Cole nodded ‘no’.

“Let’s walk together, then.”

“Wha-?”

“I don’t bite.” 

Cole watched the rest Andrews pile into their stage coach, the horses silently whinnying. 

“Besides,” Billy said, “I could use the exercise. It’s been almost a year since I’ve practiced rugby.”

“Alright?”

The two began to walk the dirt road, now barren after the guests fled the church. 

“How have you been? I heard you moved to Paris.”

“I’ve been alright. And yes, I did.”

“Perfect place for an artist.” 

Billy looked over at him and smiled and Cole had never been more confused. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Billy snorted. “Am I that awful?”

Cole, feeling bold said. “From what I remember, yes.”

Billy stuck both hands into his pockets. “Yeah, I was pretty bad.”

“You said it as if it’s a good thing!”

He shrugged. “It got the girls attention. Say, have you got a lady back home?”

Cole sighed. “Woman aren’t my area.”

Billy pondered his words for a moment. “Oh,” he replied. “So you mean...?”

“That I am a homosexual? Yes.” 

Billy laughed and bumped his shoulder against Cole’s. “I once called you Rembrandt. Turns out you were Leonardo da Vinci all along.” 

“Funny.” Cole deadpanned. 

The rest of the walk was silent. Cole noted that Billy kept looking over at him, then quickly looking away.   
Cole knew the look. After all, he did often find himself hidden away in bars only for men. He wondered if Billy wanted to sleep with him, or merely kiss him. Some men are satisfied with a single kiss, Cole learned. Perhaps Cole was reading too much into things. Billy was with Josie, last he heard. 

Maybe things are shaping up to be a disaster.


	3. Chapter 3

Cole noted Anne had changed out of her wedding dress for the reception. She now was wearing a blue and white chiffon gown with blue flowers imprinted onto the fabric. 

Seemingly everyone in town, at the wedding of not, was at the reception. Cake was being passed around and Cole grabbed a slice. It was chocolate topped with vanilla icing and strawberries. Billy had taken it upon himself to sit as close to Cole as possible. Perhaps he really was looking for a friend. The boys Billy used to hang around were here, yet Billy paid them no mind, as well as his family, who were currently talking to the Pyes. 

Cole ate his cake in silence until Billy finally edged his way over to him. 

"You don't seem like a rugby kind of man. Tennis?" Billy said.

"What?"

"Do you like tennis?"

Cole had played quite a bit of tennis in France. He can recall the fenced in area and the sound of the rubber balls hitting the rackets. He enjoyed tennis, but it was fencing he loved. Once, an older man had taken a liking to Cole. He was a professional fencer and had challenged Cole to a duel, just for fun. They were both quick to find out Cole was a natural with when it came to the blade. 

"Yes, I do." Cole replied. 

Billy lowered his voice. "My folks have a friend who has a small arena. Say we go and play a match? Once this is over, of course."

Cole wondered if this was some sort of ruse. He knew Cole was a homosexual, and he could easily blackmail him. Billy and his friends could beat him up. The possibilities are endless. But Cole was feeling brave. 

"Ok. Sounds... fun?"

Billy nodded and ate his cake. 

“Isn’t it getting kind of late for a match?”

“They have electric lights there now. Pretty interesting, right?”

“Yeah.”

~

The reception ended at 6:33 pm. Gilbert had carried Anne off into Green Gables, and she threw her bouquet out into the crowd. Ruby, who was still unmarried, had caught it and bursted into a fit of giggles with the other girls. 

Everyone took their time leaving, much to Marilla’s silent dismay. Cole didn’t want to overstay his welcome at this party and frankly, he wanted to go to bed. The days leading up to the wedding he had slept in what had been Michael’s old room now turned guest bedroom. He was tired and the sun was starting to fall. Only a couple more days till it’s back to Paris. 

Suddenly a hand gently clasped his lower back. “Are you ready?”

Cole and Billy’s faces were mere inches away from each other. Cole looked at Billy at realized how handsome he really was. His brown eyes complemented his blond hair and the slight facial hair (suited for the times) he was growing out made him look so much more mature. 

Billy quickly pulled his face away from Cole’s and cleared his throat. “Tennis.”

“Oh, yeah. I almost forgot.”

“It’s walking distance from here. Shall we?

“We shall. I guess.”

“Don’t be a downer, Michelangelo. I know it’s not France, but it’s fun.”

~

On reaching the tennis courts he talked about Paris until the fact he had a social life penetrated the mind of Billy. Billy wondered what life was like in a foreign country, and Cole gave him answers. He spoke of the rowdy streets at night and the Seine, the art scene and the poets in the streets. 

“Are you a libertine? Like Rimbaud was?” Billy asked, picking up a racket. 

“Me?” Cole laughed breathlessly, racket in hand. “No.” He shook his head. 

Billy threw the tennis ball in the air and hit it. Cole bounced it back at Billy, only for Cole to miss. Cole sighed and threw the ball in the same manner Billy did. Once again, he missed the ball when it came back. They went at it a few more times and god, When did Cole get so bad at this? 

“I call a rematch!” Cole actually laughed. 

“What? I can’t hear you over the sound of my triumph.” 

“Jerk.” 

“Alright, one more round.”

The second round was just a repeat of the first round. Cole was out of breath by the end of it and sat on the ground. Billy went on the other side of the net and held his hand out for Cole to grab. Billy lifted him up effortlessly and Cole brushed off his nice dress pants. 

“I take it you don’t exercise much, princess?” 

“No, not really.” He sighed, ignoring Billy’s insult. 

“You’re still as skinny as I remember, though.”

“I’m glad that stuck with you.”

“Where are you staying?” Billy asked. 

“With Anne for a few more days.”

“There’s an Inn in Avonlea, you can stay longer.”

“I wish I knew tha- What.” Cole whispered. 

“I mean, if you want to stay longer.” 

Billy discreetly grabbed one of Cole’s hands. “Let’s get you home. I don’t want you passing out on me.”

The whole walk there Billy didn’t let go of Cole’s hand. Not even when stray automobiles doing god knows what out in the dark passed by them. Cole didn’t know how to feel about all of this. This wasn’t new to him, no. Men have held his hands before, but this was just strange because it was Billy Andrews. Childhood bully. The man who, along with his dead-brained friends made his life hell. That Billy Andrews. Cole wondered if he should pull his hand away. It felt like the right thing to do, even if Billy was just trying to be his friend. But he didn’t. Their hands stayed clasped together. 

His mind went to Josie. He didn’t get to talk to her at all and he still wondered if she was still rotten. Did she deserve this? Probably not. He was probably overthinking things again. It’s not Paris. Not every man who shows him affection wants to sleep with him. 

“I can walk from here,” Cole said when they reached the gates of Green Gables.

“Alright,” Billy said letting go of his hand. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight... wait.”

“Yeah?”

Cole slowly walked up to Billy, and did something he knew he’d regret. 

Beneath the pale moonlight, Cole pressed his lips against Billy’s. His lips were cold from the winter air, but soft like Cole’s own. This was a test. He had to know if Billy was being friendly or if he was attracted to him. 

Billy slowly pulled away and spoke softly. “You can’t tell anyone.”

Cole nodded and gave a half smile. “I won’t.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.”

Billy stammered before walking off the property. 

“Goodnight.” Cole said loudly.

Billy kept on walking.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter at 3 am with the worst stomachache lol not my best work.

Cole had felt he overstayed his welcome at Green Gables. It didn't matter though, he was leaving today. For a small moment in time, Cole pondered wether or not he should visit his family. His biological family. He quickly rid his mind of those thoughts and shuddered. He hadn't seen his mother since he went to live with Josephine. She wasn't a very good mother, only caring about how much money they brought in. It wasn't greed, just a financial burden. His father was... passive. He worked out in on farm and drank, but not excessively. Cole suspected his father knew he was a homosexual but never said anything about it. As long as he knew how to work a plow, he was a saint in the eyes of god. 

But was Billy a saint? Cole's mind wondered onto other things.

Billy hadn't reached out to him since the kiss. Not surprising to Cole. Billy was repressed; scared. The artist felt sympathy for him for the first time. There was a time Cole was frighted by himself too, so he understood. But Cole didn't have a female significance other. Billy did. That must make things worse, Cole thought. Much worse. 

Cole packed the last of his belongings in his brown leather suitcase and made sure he had his satchel on him. He arranged for a stage coach to take him to Charlottestown in two hours tops. The journey back wouldn't be too bad. It'd take a long train ride and a boat voyage, which secretly made Cole seasick, but the ocean was beautiful. Avonlea was beautiful. 

He really didn't want to leave, which came as a shock to him. He missed his flat in Paris and the Parisian shops and food, but Avonlea was where his truly family was— Anne, Gilbert, Diana. Yes, he wrote to Anne, but it wasn't the same as seeing her everyday. 

Cole walked down the stairs with his case in hand. 

"Leaving so soon?" Gilbert said from the dining table as Anne and Marilla prepared breakfast. 

"Yeah," Cole said. "Paris awaits."

"Oh, Cole!" Anne said, turning to look at Cole. "Must you go? Stay here, I truly miss you."

A silence fell upon the room. “I can't." 

Anne nodded. "I unfortunately... understand."

There was a knock on the door. 

Anne, being the active little thing she was, announced, "I'll get it!"

Anne made her way to the door, and when she opened it, she was a bit shocked. 

"Anne." Billy greeted. 

"Billy.” She replied. 

"Your wedding was lovely. You looked beautiful."

"Thank you." She said awkwardly. 

"Is Cole still here?"

"Yeah..."

"May I speak to him?"

"Cole!" Anne yelled. "It's for you."

Cole set his suitcase on one of the dining chairs and made his way to the front door. From a distance he could see Billy and he picked up his pace. 

"I'll let you two talk alone..." Anne said almost knowingly. That made Cole's stomach lurch. 

"Let's talk outside." Billy stated. 

Cole walked through the threshold and into the almost-spring air. He closed the door behind him. 

Billy took his hand and lead him to the side of Green Gables then shoved Cole against the siding, kissing him with an unexpected passion. Billy loosened his grip on Cole. 

"I made my choice. I want to be with you." Billy said breathlessly. 

"What about Josie?"

"She doesn't need to know."

"No, she doesn't, but you still need to leave her if you're not happy."

"I am happy."

"Look, it's been four days since I kissed you an—"

"Do you regret it?"

"No. Let me finished my sentence," Cole said. "You've suddenly decided you want to be with me? We barley even know each other!"

"But we can get to!"

Cole laughed in irony. 

"Alright, I'll stay with you. But just for awhile. I have to go now. Breakfast."

The pair exchanged one last kiss before Billy turned his back and walked away with a smile. 

Cole could see Jerry looking at him from the barn. They made eye contact with each other, then looked away quickly. 

Cole followed Billy. Breakfast can wait.   
~

Cole and Billy dangled their feet above the nearly freezing water at the boat dock. 

“Do your friends know?”

“Only one. Charlie. He’s... queer.”

Ah yes, Cole remembered Charming Charlie quite well. He wasn’t so charming when he almost broke Cole’s nose. Cole found it humorous some of the boys who bullied him in childhood turned out to be the same as him— including Billy, of course. 

God, how was he able to forgive Billy? To enter a “relationship” with him so quickly. His wrist may be healed, but he still had chronic pain there. How is that forgivable? 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Cold said. 

“Wow. Big boy words.” 

“I’m serious. I still have pain in my wrist because of what you did.” 

All fell silent and Billy sighed. “That’s not who I am anymore.”

“What changed?”

Billy shrugged. “I guess I grew up.”

“Well, you’ll always be a jerk to me.” 

“C’mon princess... look I’m sorry. I really am. I want us to work out.”

Cole didn’t know if he wanted a relationship with Billy or not, but it seems he was thrusted into one. Billy had changed, but some things remained the same. How would a relationship between them work? Cole lived halfway across the world and Billy was still in his hometown. An ending between the two was inevitable. 

“I’ll stay at an inn for awhile and we’ll try things out, okay?”

Billy smiled wide. “I’d love nothing more.”


End file.
